Research, cited by Simon Sinek, in his study of the millennial generation, has shown that our engagement on social media has a significant effect on the release of the hormone dopamine. When we get a message or a like, we feel that we are getting “overcome” with the hormone. But dopamine is addictive, we know that, because the same thing happens with excessive alcohol consumption, drugs, or gambling.
Are you addicted to your phone too? What is the best way of finding out? So, let’s say if you’re having dinner with your friends, hanging out, and you still feel the need to use social media. If the first thing you do in the morning is to look at your cell phone and open one of the social networking apps. If you’re in a meeting and your cell phone is on the table, facing up or down, it sends an unconscious message to everyone in the meeting – you’re not that important to me, I have more important things than this meeting. If the answers to these questions are yes, then it is, very likely, a communication “disorder”, although we prefer to label it as communication multitasking. We are convinced that we can conduct a quality meeting, while at the same time answering emails, messages on WhatsApp, Viber, Messenger, and even making a few phone calls.
What are the consequences of such multitasking on the quality of conversation?
Conversational competence is rapidly declining and we are no longer able to have coherent conversations.
How can we change this and increase the chances of having meaningful conversations in which we will be present not only physically but also spiritually?
Don’t we all want more conversations in which we feel engaged, connected, accepted, after which we feel motivated? Why not replace addiction to social networks with this type of conversation that feeds us, in which we feel understood, that connects us with other people, creates a synergy effect of joint action from which we become part of a whole, and not isolated and alienated individuals?
Here are some guidelines you can start using right away.
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- Do not multitask. When you multitask, you are simply not fully present, and the other person unconsciously feels this, which prevents them from expressing themselves fully. If you don’t want to have that conversation anymore, it’s better that you end it and continue when your attention is not so scattered. Remember that one of the things that make your attention so scattered is multitasking.
- If you are giving your opinion, be open to hearing feedback and leave room for discussion. If you’re not ready for it, don’t give an opinion in the first place. The best prerequisite for entering into a conversation with someone is the assumption that you can learn something from that conversation and make that time useful. In this way, you create a dialogue, instead of a monologue.
- Ask open-ended questions, those that cannot be answered with “yes”, “no” or one-word replies, but that are answered extensively and descriptively. This will ensure the dynamics of the conversation, and it will help you learn a lot about how your interlocutor understands the world around them and will allow them to better hear, understand, and reconsider.
- Don’t listen just so you can reply, listen in order to understand and have grounds on which you can also ask to be understood. By far the best experience in communication is when you really feel that someone has been listening to you.
- Do not multitask. When you multitask, you are simply not fully present, and the other person unconsciously feels this, which prevents them from expressing themselves fully. If you don’t want to have that conversation anymore, it’s better that you end it and continue when your attention is not so scattered. Remember that one of the things that make your attention so scattered is multitasking.
What I promised myself a few months ago, which I really and successfully put into practice and see that it really helps, is that when I am with someone, then I am with that person and nothing else exists. I want to give them what I want to get from them – to listen to each other, to exchange opinions, to respect each other. There is only that person, me and the moment we create, in which we connect and understand each other. We give ourselves the fuel to navigate the hectic world around us. Just a little bit of this kind of communication discipline allows for a big change in the atmosphere of conversation. After such conversations, a person feels that they have invested time usefully, they feel empowered and even rested. That is what we all need.