How to Make a Good First Impression? Nonverbal Communication Matters Most

How many times have you found yourself in a situation where you simply didn’t click with someone upon meeting them, even though you weren’t able to pinpoint as to why that is? On the other hand, we always admire people who seem to quite naturally walk right into an unfamiliar social environment, initiate a conversation, and include others in it. Usually, we say that such people have charisma. Some wonder how they do it, while others believe it’s a natural ability. But believe it or not, charisma can be an acquired skill and, like any other, can be perfected with awareness, the right advice, and determination.

 

What is first impression and what role does it play in our lives?

In both situations, it is the first impression we leave when meeting someone and it is very often created on the basis of appearance, behaviour, voice colour, non-verbal communication and a number of elements on a non-verbal, vocal and verbal level.

Research has shown that anywhere from 7 to 30 seconds is enough to make a first impression. The astonishing speed with which one creates an impression about a person indicates that in such a short time we are not able to make a rational judgment, but the impression is created on the basis of our instinct and on an unconscious and emotional level. In this way, we prove once again to ourselves and others, at work and in every-day life, that we are first and foremost emotional beings, and only then rational beings. Therefore, we mustn’t suppress our own feelings at work either. Because even though they teach us that there is no place for emotions at work, work can get quite emotional. That is undeniable; instead, we should become aware of how we feel and control the way we act.

 

People trust your body, not your words!

The moments in which we establish a relationship are actually the moments in which the first impression is created – primarily on a non-verbal level. With looks, smiling, clothes, posture, facial expressions, gestures, handshakes – all this sends a message about who we are and leaves an impression. Keeping eye contact with the interlocutor is considered a bare minimum in communication etiquette. Don’t you agree that people who don’t look you in the eye seem uninterested and seem to be ignoring you? How important is a smile? A person who smiles breathes confidence and positivity.

And what about gestures? Gestures are natural and any attempt to restrain them leads to a mismatch between what we say and how we speak. Remember how your hands and body naturally gesture when you’re sitting with a friend having coffee, and then suddenly, when we have to present something in front of our boss, we become rigid and all the gestures die down. Then we appear very unconvincing and even incompetent (or at least not as convincing and competent as we were when having coffee with our friend and excitedly telling them about the shopping we did). That is exactly the importance of gestures – it complements the content and emphasises the messages we convey to the interlocutor.

 

The power of voice

Only after we see the person do we start listening to them and only after that do we hear what they are saying – and all this in just a few seconds. When we start listening to a person, then we unconsciously analyse their voice: do they have a pleasant voice, do they speak too fast, does their voice tremble, what is their diction like? Research has shown that deeper voices are more convincing.

One of the most important rhetorical tools are pauses because they contribute to the dynamics and drama of what we say. With the help of a pause, we create an impression of tension and anticipation, and at the same time we intensify the persuasiveness of the message we are conveying. Have you ever caught yourself saying a word too many times (for example, so to speak, that is, in fact, so, actually, like, etc.)? I will reveal to you the secret of how to get rid of these annoying fillers that can leave the impression of incompetence. It’s very simple – take pauses. A pause does not always indicate the absence of text, but sometimes has the function of fine nuancing of thoughts. It gives your brain time to figure out what it wants to say and articulate the message, while also making the other person feel more comfortable because it comes naturally and it allows them to think about what they have heard.

 

How much does our content come to the fore?

We invest a great amount of time, effort and knowledge in the content of our business presentations. However, if we only knew that merely 7% of the content, i.e., the verbal level, affects the impression we leave, then we might put in the same effort in the preparation and awareness of the way we present that content. As much as 55% of the first impression is non-verbal communication, and 38% of it is our voice and its characteristics.

 

Why are first impressions important?

Based on the (first) impression, we assess the competencies of our interlocutors. Depending on the impression we have made about a person, we receive the same information differently. We don’t get a second chance for a first impression. Once formed – the impression is difficult to correct and, in most cases, stays with you forever. As such, it can be a crucial factor in deciding on a business cooperation.

A recent study by a team of psychologists from Canada, Belgium, and the US (research by Bertram Gawronski, Robert Rydell, Bram Vervliet and Jan De Houwer in the Journal of Experimental Psychology, 2011) proved that the saying “you never get a second chance for a first impression” is quite literally true. The results of the research proved that subsequent experiences, which turn out to be contrary to the first impression, are related only to the context in which they occur. We can therefore conclude that subsequent experiences affect people’s reactions only in those contexts in which they arose, and first impressions still dominate in other contexts. For example, imagine you get a new colleague at work and your first impression of that person is that you don’t like him. A few weeks later you meet that colleague at a party and, from talking to him, you realise that he is actually a nice person. Although you are aware that at first you did not like him, your instinctive response to the new colleague will be conditioned by the newly-formed experience only in a social situation similar to the party where you met him and in which you will find him to be a nice person. However, you still won’t like this colleague in any other social situations, including at work, where you originally got the first impression of him.

 

How do others see us?

It is necessary to be aware of the impression we leave on other people. How many times have you been surprised by someone’s assessment of your behaviour or a presentation you gave? The difference between what we think of ourselves, that is, the image we have of ourselves, and how others see us and what their images of us is, is the basis of many disappointments, misunderstandings and surprises. Everyone else, who is present in our lives, like a spouse, a friend, a business colleague, sees us in a clearer light than we are able to do on our own. Most of us live under the illusion that we know ourselves very well, but we mostly overestimate or, even more often, underestimate ourselves. Psychologists call this phenomenon the gray spot, thus denoting the area of our personality that everyone sees except ourselves. One of the best methods of raising awareness in this regard is to use a camera and record one of your performances or business presentations. The camera has a lens and what it captures is an objective display of how we look, sound, move through space, how we gesture and, ultimately, what impression we leave. If this way of analysing your own performance is not available to you, ask people close to you or your business colleagues to analyse one of your presentations and point out areas that you could correct or improve.

Whatever the reason why others perceive us differently, the first step is to become aware of that fact and accept it. Only when we find out how the public perceives us can we choose and decide whether we like the image we have, and whether we want to change it or keep it. Until we discover and accept the person that others see in us, we will not be able to work on ourselves or make any progress. Life in the community is much more pleasant and better if we accept the perception that others have about us and use it as a foundation for personal growth and development. Therefore, it is important to keep in mind that very often it is not just what you think you have said and how you imagine things, but the way you say something and show it.

 

How to leave a (permanently) good first impression?

• • When meeting, make eye contact because eyes speak a thousand words, and we know that eyes are the windows to the soul.
     
  • Smile. Do it with your entire face. A smile opens all doors. You can never go wrong with a smile, while a frown or a hand in your pocket is most often interpreted as disinterest or arrogance.
     
  • Repeat the name of the person you are meeting and say it at least twice in the first few minutes to remember it. We often concentrate only on how we will pronounce our own name, so we don’t hear the name of the person we are meeting.
     
  • When shaking hands, hold your palm vertically and return the grip intensity that you receive.
    Respect the intimate space of each person, stand at least half a meter away from the interlocutor. Rotate your body at a 45-degree angle to the other person.
     
  • Use clear, simple, measured movements and gestures. Do not make sudden and nervous movements that may seem threatening.

 

First impression in a business presentation

• • Whenever you perform in front of an audience, stand up. A person who is standing up is psychologically more powerful than a person sitting down. You will find it easier to attract the attention of the audience if you stand out from it.
     
  • A smiling and positive face is an indispensable part of a professional performance.
     
  • Observe the reaction of the audience. The audience is your friend and you get the best feedback from them regarding the course of your performance.