Today’s world brims with interactions that often occur simultaneously through various communication channels. This produces numerous communication barriers that repeatedly constrain us. The three most common communication obstacles in business are:
1. Assumptions
Too many things are presumed, and not a lot is communicated. We forget that each of us has our own perspective, which means that sometimes we might interpret the same words differently. For example, when you tell someone that something needs to be done urgently, you may think that “urgent” means that a task should be completed within an hour, and to someone, that same term may mean a few hours.
2. Misaligned Expectations
How often do we try to ensure that our mutual expectations align? Consider this example: an employee is tasked with writing a report on market trends. The manager expects a detailed report with analyses and actionable insights but doesn’t communicate this to the employee. Meanwhile, the employee believes they should provide a thorough report but without any analyses or suggestions. The result? The manager is disappointed, and the employee doesn’t understand what went wrong.
3. Poor Listening Skills
We are impatient in conversations: we do not listen in order to understand but to assess other’s attitudes in relation to our own. This is why our responses aim to negate what is being said, and we listen only to counter and state our case. Our attention is fragmented; we are constantly checking our phones, even during meetings or presentations, yet we still believe we’re listening effectively. No matter how much we educate ourselves and learn about the importance of listening, we do not apply it efficiently enough while conversing.
Such conversations often result in misunderstandings, untenable agreements, and unproductive and even strained business relationships.
Though we all truly want to and are wired to connect with others and work together, we often find ourselves in the so-called communication vacuum, which becomes a dominant and inescapable pattern. We try to solve the problem the same way we created it – by using the same communication patterns – but we expect different outcomes.
What Is Conversational Agility and Why Is It Important?
To overcome these communication challenges, we need to bridge the gap between “how I see things” and “how you see things.” The Conversational Agility Method is a powerful tool for doing just that. It is an approach I created myself, and it encompasses the following skills: perceiving, connecting, understanding, and steering the communication in the desired direction. This method can be easily applied in any conversation and leads to visible improvement quickly. It starts by raising the level of trust between you and the receiver and results in high-quality, productive interactions. Applying agility in today’s conversations full of rapid changes inevitably leads to creating healthier and more resilient relationships.
4 Key Steps to Navigate Any Conversation with Agility
First, we need to learn to properly observe both ourselves and the receiver so that we can promptly interpret our own and their communication patterns. Then, we should learn to adapt our communication pattern to the receivers in a constructive way, while simultaneously maintaining our assertiveness. Lastly, we should gain an understanding of how to strategically steer the conversation toward achieving a mutually beneficial objective.
Step 1: OBSERVE
The key to establishing a successful connection, as well as understanding and cooperation, is creating trust among the receivers. Trust is a matter of perception. When two people start interacting, our brain “scans” the receiver’s communication pattern and based on that determines whether to trust them or not. On a subconscious level, we first perceive how someone looks, then how they speak, and only then what they say. It is therefore important to analyse all levels of communication while observing the receiver – not just what he or she says, but also how he or she says it.
Step 2: DIAGNOSE
In this step, we have to become communication detectives and interpret and meaningfully connect all the elements we observed in the first step. How does the receiver react? How do they understand the message? What is their stance on the topic? How do they feel at the moment? What makes them uncomfortable or nervous? We can gather these insights primarily from non-verbal cues and tone of voice. Body language often reveals our true intentions. Our aim is to analyse how and to what extent the receiver’s message is aligned with how they convey it.
Great communicators know how to interpret others’ body language, but agile communicators use this knowledge to control their own body language so as not to send out unwanted signals, as well as to steer and anticipate the direction of the conversation effectively.
Step 3: ADAPT
In the third step, it is essential to put yourself in the receiver’s shoes, to explore their point of view and see the situation through their eyes – what they are thinking and feeling and the reasons behind it. Understanding others’ perspectives and adapting to them makes it possible for us to empathise with the receiver.
The fastest way to develop empathy is through active listening. “If you wish to persuade someone, you need to understand them. To understand them, you need to listen with genuine empathy.” This is a quote by Richard Branson who often points out that listening to customers is one of the reasons why his company is so successful. This is why it is necessary to always diligently work on improving your active listening skills.
Step 4: STEER
In the final step, you are ready to steer the conversation in the desired direction. On the path to achieving mutually beneficial objectives, purpose will be your guiding star. Shape the conversation’s purpose in a way that helps the other person see their role and the shared benefits, and bring the discussion back to this purpose whenever it veers off track. Ask questions to guide the receiver toward desired insights and shared goals. Do not forget to occasionally acknowledge each person’s contribution to the process and celebrate the positive collaboration dynamic. Positive reinforcement is one of the most effective practices in communication, as people tend to mirror it in their own behaviour almost instantly.
4 Agile Techniques You Can Apply in Any Conversation
- Focus on the present in order to hear and observe what your receivers are saying and how they are saying it.
- Give your receivers feedback, showing that you have understood both what they said, and how they feel. That way you are giving them one more opportunity to further express themselves or to rephrase what was said, giving you in turn the opportunity to confirm that you have understood them correctly.
- Ask open questions in order to discover the receiver’s problems, aspirations, and wishes, which will enable you to become more familiar with them.
- If you want receivers to have opinions that match yours, do not just state them. Instead, ask leading questions that will make the receiver come to the desired conclusions.
Although we, humankind, are meant to connect and work with others through communication, we often underuse this potential. I urge you to take words into your own hands and use the Conversational Agility Model to fully activate your communication potential and become a true communication leader, rather than a follower of situations that do not benefit you.